I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
