fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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