And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
