Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
