8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
