Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
