Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i barfeds in our rink
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
did you just send me my own nude
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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