Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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