i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
