AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
