This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
