So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
