I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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