Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
