She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
