well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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