there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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