I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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