Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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