your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My vagina is officially offended.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
