Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
