the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
