Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
