she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
