it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
