You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
