you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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