I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I know her cup size but not her name....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
