I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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