I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
