I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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