Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
