you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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