True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
