i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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