we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
They have beer where we have blood.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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