How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have aggressive nipples.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
