why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
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