ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
