this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
