my room smells like sperm. sweet.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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