I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
3pm strippers are depressing
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
