The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we're making bets on your personal life
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
