I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
