So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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