I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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