I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
