omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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