So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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