yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
