Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
