bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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