the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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