giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
