I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
