Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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